day 18 - i believe.

(full list) - 18 - your beliefs.

"do not kill time because time kills you."

i believe that there are greater beings outside the human race. i believe that there is a god - only mine, doesn't spell their name with a capital "G." i believe the universe works in both weird and magical ways. i believe that same-sex marriage should be legalized and marijuana, de-criminalized. i believe that abortion should and always be available to women who can't find any other way... and i believe that you don't have to share bloodlines to be family. i believe in procrastination and i believe in time. i believe there's more to this life and i believe this life is mine.

day 17 - balance.

(full list) - 17 - your highs and lows of this past year.

west end, negril, jamaica.

i think i had a good year. nothing spectacular, but good things happened. i finally earned stamps in my passport - amongst a plethora of domestic travels. i got to watch my brother get married, and celebrate my niece's first birthday. i was hit with the reality of how precious time is and how to not take the little things for granted (ie., your pinky finger) -- without having to go through any of the (real) pain (mental, emotional and/or physical) myself. another year to get to know my parents, and grand-parents - just a little bit more... and another year to try and make things right.

but, i feel as though i've also had another wasted year. if you take out the days one would consider to be spent "productively" -- i'm almost certain i'd be left with about 297 insignificant twenty-four hour periods. whether things are going to be different this time around, i don't know. hopefully i'll have another solid year to find out.

peace, love & respect.

back from paradise, safe and sound. learned a lot this week, and not just about jamaica. will post pictures soon. but for now... what's jeff doing all the way over there?

"HEY SHELLY"

"THE SCENERY IS HERE..."

"WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL!!!"

yeah, i thought i read it wrong the first time around, too. long story short, our fourth adventurer dipped out last minute and left it to the three of us to make some memories on our own. so, we did.

do's and don'ts.

something i compiled a while ago on my other blog... so, i'm sharing it here...

via google images.

—- AT THE BAR —-

situation: you’re out with a group of friends and all y’all need a drink.

solution: have your drink orders ready. i can’t stress the PLURAL on drink enough. there’s nothing more annoying (actually, there are a lot of things more annoying) than the one person who takes it upon himself to order for the group — and wastes my time by ordering one… drink… at… a… time. (ie. guy says: “hey lemme getta captain and coke…” i make it…“yo yea, lemme get another one of those….” i make it… “ok yea and then a merlot…” yea, no. it’s, “hey, may i please have two captain and cokes, a merlot, vodka/soda and an ipa?” see how much time that saves? don’t worry about your bartender not being able to remember more than one drink at a time, we’re smarter than you think.

situation: the bar is packed and you just got there and want a drink.
solution: have money in your hand. make eye contact… and again, have your drink order ready! don’t snap, don’t whistle, don’t wave your goddamn hand in the air like you’re in second grade ready for show-and-tell and sure as hell don’t yell across the bar. it’s rude, and makes you look like an ass.

situation: there are five people in your group and only four chairs left.
solution: fucking stand. you’re not eating goddamn steak you’re having a drink. you can stand and hold a drink, i promise.

situation: you look young, get carded but you “left your wallet at home” and the bartender refuses service.
solution: go home and get your wallet. don’t argue, don’t beg. it won’t help your cause. i can’t speak for the laws anywhere else but the ones here in good ol’ NYC are pretty damn strict for serving minors - if you look like you’re twelve… and don’t have proper identification to prove otherwise, you ain’t gettin’ no drank. my job isn’t worth your fun. lo siento mi amigo!

situation: you’re not sure what you want to drink.
solution: this should never be a situation. figure it out. we’re not here to hold your hand, we’re not here to take you on an tasting tour. stick with what you know - meaning, quit ordering martinis while throwing words like “dry” “wet” and “dirty” around not knowing what they mean. james bond doesn’t care that you want to be like him, he’s not real.

just a couple more notes before i head off to work — “please” and “thank you” go a long way. as does, “whenever you get a chance.” for me personally, anyone who gives a crap and takes into consideration how busy i am, gets their drinks faster. and even more than that — TIP YOUR GODDAMN SERVICE STAFF. for most of us, it’s all we make, meaning there’s no paycheck for us on friday. and not only that, if we get stiffed, it’s money out of our own pockets to pay our service staff… (ie. food runners, bussers… barbacks…)

frankly, to me, all of this is basic human courtesy. but for whatever reason, there’s a huge group of people out there who feel as though they are far superior to everyone else… and treat people as such. no one is rolling out the red carpet for your ass when you walk through the door so maybe today, you could try being nice - it’s amazing what a lack of negative energy brings, to those around you.

day 16 - pop.

(full list) - 16 - what are your views on mainstream music?

via nataliedee.

anyone who doesn't listen to "pop" music solely because it's mainstream, is a 'tard. shitty artists can write a solid song just the same as a great artist can release a mediocre album. i'll be the first to admit i have a tendency to pass judgment on those with questionable music taste, but - i also know that i can't put my entire itunes library on shuffle when there's an impromptu party at our apartment, because like everyone else, it's chock full of "guilty pleasures."

i've always had a soft spot for the rare breed of artists who actually bother to write their own songs. everything from the bass line to the lyrics. never understanding the concept of simply putting a pretty face to someone else's art - because to me, that's no better than a group of drunkards walking into a karaoke bar and giving their best rendition of "livin' on a prayer," and calling themselves pop-stars.

i still don't get how (or why) britney spears is releasing albums that hoards of people (young and old) go running to the store for, nor do i wait in eager anticipation for lady gaga's next album, BUT... i'd be lying if i said i haven't been jamming out to "paparazzi" for the past couple weeks. fuck you, it's catchy.

15 - www faves.

(full list) - 15 - your favorite websites.

these are the sites bookmarked on my browser, that i visit on a daily basis -- which means at least once a day, but realistically -- i'm probably bouncing between these sites all day, every day. in no particular order:

• facebook
• tumblr
• reddit
• adthe.net
• grooveshark
• postsecret
• orphan photos
• christine chang
• hulu
• netflix

and i look at a lot of photography/photographer websites, with a list of favorites way too extensive to put up. (wait, ok, here are some: dina goldstein, aaron nace, dan martensen...) i did include cc though, because, well - i literally go her blog every day in hopes of finding an update. whether i'm in a sappy, happy or angry mood - i always find what i'm looking for when i get there.

day 14 - memory.

(full list) - 14 - your earliest childhood memory.

a little backstory as to how shitty my memory is, i started kindergarten when i was five, and it was around that time when our family took a trip down to disneyworld. i only know this, because there's a whole album of pictures at my mom's house. but, i have no recollection of this trip, what-so-ever. none. in fact, there was a period in middle school (before i had even seen the disney pictures) where i accused my parents of lying to us about taking all these trips as kids... because if i didn't remember them, they never happened. to this day, the only memories i have from disneyworld are the ones i made when i went at twenty-three.

i guess my first real memory was from pre-k. halloween. i was going as a cat. it was a weird looking cat, almost like a cat/puppy breed (think ren and stimpy, what was stimpy?) -- and i remember before i left to go to school, my dad took my mom's eyeliner pencil and drew on some whiskers for me. that's my first memory that wasn't sparked by a photograph. and one of my favorites.

day 13 - wanderlust.

(full list) - 13 - somewhere you'd like to move or visit.

this question falls along the same lines as, "what's your all-time favorite band, or movie." impossible. the list of places i want to see are endless, that's the easiest way to answer that. i will never say "no" to a trip, so long as i can afford to go. LIVING, on the other hand - is something a little different, and also something i've given quite some thought to as of recently.

i've always loved vancouver. still do. a big part of it is that my (extended) family is there... but also - the city is freaking amazing. too bad they don't just let anyone emigrate to canada... you need to pay some freaking dues... but, it's a dream. i've also considered seattle. i went once when i was a kid, and loved it. i love anything by the ocean with mountains as a backdrop. my hometown of chicago is always on the back burner and i've also considered a completely different continent, just to learn a different language, culture -- lifestyle... why not?

but, i've spent the last decade living in what a lot of people argue to be, the "greatest city in the world." that's a bold statement. i get why people think that, but suffice it to say that my relationship with this city would have to be the quintessential love/hate kind. i suppose the love outweighs the hate by at least a small margin, otherwise, i woulda blown this popsicle stand a long time ago.

30 day challenge.

i started this months ago -- decided to ditch it, because that's who i am... and am now going back to it. i have all the ones i've done so far on my old blog, so i'm going to spend some time bringing them over here (backdating the entries to the dates and times i originally posted them) and try my best to finish this up before i take off for jamaica.

01. your current relationship. if single, discuss single life. 

02. where you’d like to be in ten years.

03. your views on drugs and alcohol.

04. your views on religion.

05. a time you thought about ending your own life.

06. write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

07. your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

08. a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

09. how you hope your future will be.

10. discuss your first love and first kiss.

11. put your ipod on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play.

12. bullet your whole day.

13. somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

14. your earliest memory.

15. your favorite websites.

16. your views on mainstream music.

17. your highs and lows of this past year.

18. your beliefs.

19. disrespecting your parents.

20. how important you think education is.

21. one of your favorite shows.

22. how have you changed in the past two years?

23. give five pictures of guys (or gals) who are famous, who you find attractive.

24. your favorite movie and what it’s about.

25. someone who fascinates you and why.

26. what kind of person attracts you.

27. a problem that you have had.

28. something that you miss.

29. goals for the next 30 days.

30. your highs and lows of this month.

seven mile beach.

photo via.

twenty-five days 'til paradise. *itch*itch*

swaggerific, 2011.

so, three friends and i booked our tickets to jamaica. we originally wanted to avoid the major cities/resorts that everyone seems to flock to -- but after doing some research, i guess you could suffice it to say that there's a reason why tourists/travelers stick to certain areas... and avoid others. although we still refuse to book rooms at sandals on the hotel strip in montego bay, we are that family who says they're going "camping" telling all our friends we're "roughing it" in the woods for a few nights - when in reality we're probably going to end up parking our relatively spacious RV in some designated camp ground... with outlets. roughing it, my ass.

quepos, costa rica.

i've also received some scrutiny on how i decide to allocate my finances as far as what i consider to be "important" or "valuable" in my life. i get why people frantically scrounge up to save for that rainy day... and chances are, i'm an idiot for not being more responsible... but -- since i can remember, all i've wanted to do is travel. and waiting, isn't an option. last year, my girlfriends implanted "costa" into my brain and i wasn't able to get it out until i bought that ticket and saw it for myself, and despite how broke i was when i came back -- it was all worth it.

realistically, this is probably the only trip i'll take (at least until summer comes around,) but i'm definitely getting used to the idea of planning a tropical vacation every february. i swear, it's good for the mind.

pura vida.

oh me, oh my.

GOOD GOD, i miss this face. :(

nursery rhymes.

"are we friends, or are we not...

you told me once, but i forgot."

waking life.

"on really romantic evenings of self, i go salsa dancing with my own confusion." --speedlevitch.

unfocused.

what happened to the days when we found beauty in our imperfections?

merry christmas.

i never really noticed how much of a big deal it is to get an actual tree for christmas. growing up, we busted out the same tattered boxes holding pieces of our fake (but awesome) tree from our crawl-space... straightened out the wire "branches" piece by piece and stuck them into the designated slots on the plastic "trunk" of our tree. i loved that tree. and every single ornament we put on it. baby's first christmas, popsicle sticks glued together in some sort of awkward "frame" holding that year's school photo (c'mon, you know what i'm talking about.) it's hanging by a thread (literally) and your mom insisted on putting up all throughout high school. actually for me, that's a lie. we stopped putting that tree up some time in middle school, but it's one of the few fond memories i hold onto.

some years had gone by, i moved to new york and never really had a tree of my own. until a few years ago when i was dating this character... we'll call, drew. he was living in my apartment (i made no errors in the wording of that sentence,) and without shedding too much negative light on this guy - one of his prize moments of our relationship was when he thought it'd be a good idea to bring a 7' tree into our modest sized railroad apartment in fort greene, brooklyn. not only did he bring this tree in, but had no intentions of watering, or trimming it -- and it just sat there... for months... until finally, i used all my sad upper body strength and dragged that thing out to the curb, dry needles everywhere.

a few years go by and now it's 2010. every november the streets of new york line up with farmers selling beautiful christmas trees. trees of all sizes. this year, we got lucky and one morning i woke up and there was a guy selling trees right across the street from our apartment. of course my first instinct, was that i wanted a tree. i knew we couldn't have a big one, but a charlie-brown christmas tree would suffice. every time i brought it up to david, he refused... and said trees are a pain the ass. i couldn't really argue because if i wanted a tree that badly, i would just go haul one over myself. guess no tree this year.

until one day i get home from work, open the door -- and the fresh smell of pine wafts through the hallway. all i see is this beautiful tree and a simple, "surprise... merry christmas," from david.

different things.

i think i say this every december, but man - i can't believe another year has gone by. usually, i mope about the fact that i allowed another year to pass without accomplishing any of the things i said i would... or at least attempt to. but i gotta say, twenty-ten? not so bad.

mostly because of all the traveling i got to do. i kicked off the year in costa rica. spent the summer between vancouver, various parts of alaska, florida, chicago, d.c., virginia, baltimore... and... i'm probably forgetting a few. all the days in between, i spent working - either for money or for my future. i did take a *short* hiatus with school because frankly, it all became extremely overwhelming -- but i think it's time now to kick it into high gear and start living the life i've only dreamt about.

i've also learned a lot this year. about people, relationships, things that matter -- and things that don't. my life is composed of the choices i make and the consequences that come along with them. there's a fine line between compromise and sacrifice. and in the beginning, that line is often blurred and you're basically bending over backwards to ensure the other person's happiness. but if you stick around long enough, the once endearing quirks become not-so-endearing... irritating qualities are no longer things you "love about them" but rather, "love in spite of..." but more than that -- you realize that your love, is different from their love... and you - "want different things."

but then one day, if you're lucky enough -- you wake up and that line isn't so blurry anymore.

withdrawal.

this depresses me.

rss, yeah!

so, i subscribed to myself via google reader... yes, i did... and to my surprise, i have seven other subscribers! that's just crazy. so, hello there readers. sorry for all the moping. it'll pass soon...

a ruse, by any other name...

i should be in chicago by now, but for whatever reason i thought it would be a good idea to pay almost $347 (more than the initial cost of round-trip travel) to change my flight and leave tomorrow morning instead. what difference fifteen hours would make, no clue. i'm not even a morning person.

it's time to pull the plug on this pity-party.