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| via google images. |
—- AT THE BAR —-
situation: you’re out with a group of friends and all y’all need a drink.
solution: have your drink orders ready. i can’t stress the PLURAL on drink enough. there’s nothing more annoying (actually, there are a lot of things more annoying) than the one person who takes it upon himself to order for the group — and wastes my time by ordering one… drink… at… a… time. (ie. guy says: “hey lemme getta captain and coke…” i make it…“yo yea, lemme get another one of those….” i make it… “ok yea and then a merlot…” yea, no. it’s, “hey, may i please have two captain and cokes, a merlot, vodka/soda and an ipa?” see how much time that saves? don’t worry about your bartender not being able to remember more than one drink at a time, we’re smarter than you think.
situation: the bar is packed and you just got there and want a drink.
solution: have money in your hand. make eye contact… and again, have your drink order ready! don’t snap, don’t whistle, don’t wave your goddamn hand in the air like you’re in second grade ready for show-and-tell and sure as hell don’t yell across the bar. it’s rude, and makes you look like an ass.
situation: there are five people in your group and only four chairs left.
solution: fucking stand. you’re not eating goddamn steak you’re having a drink. you can stand and hold a drink, i promise.
solution: have money in your hand. make eye contact… and again, have your drink order ready! don’t snap, don’t whistle, don’t wave your goddamn hand in the air like you’re in second grade ready for show-and-tell and sure as hell don’t yell across the bar. it’s rude, and makes you look like an ass.
situation: there are five people in your group and only four chairs left.
solution: fucking stand. you’re not eating goddamn steak you’re having a drink. you can stand and hold a drink, i promise.
situation: you look young, get carded but you “left your wallet at home” and the bartender refuses service.
solution: go home and get your wallet. don’t argue, don’t beg. it won’t help your cause. i can’t speak for the laws anywhere else but the ones here in good ol’ NYC are pretty damn strict for serving minors - if you look like you’re twelve… and don’t have proper identification to prove otherwise, you ain’t gettin’ no drank. my job isn’t worth your fun. lo siento mi amigo!
just a couple more notes before i head off to work — “please” and “thank you” go a long way. as does, “whenever you get a chance.” for me personally, anyone who gives a crap and takes into consideration how busy i am, gets their drinks faster. and even more than that — TIP YOUR GODDAMN SERVICE STAFF. for most of us, it’s all we make, meaning there’s no paycheck for us on friday. and not only that, if we get stiffed, it’s money out of our own pockets to pay our service staff… (ie. food runners, bussers… barbacks…)
solution: go home and get your wallet. don’t argue, don’t beg. it won’t help your cause. i can’t speak for the laws anywhere else but the ones here in good ol’ NYC are pretty damn strict for serving minors - if you look like you’re twelve… and don’t have proper identification to prove otherwise, you ain’t gettin’ no drank. my job isn’t worth your fun. lo siento mi amigo!
situation: you’re not sure what you want to drink.
solution: this should never be a situation. figure it out. we’re not here to hold your hand, we’re not here to take you on an tasting tour. stick with what you know - meaning, quit ordering martinis while throwing words like “dry” “wet” and “dirty” around not knowing what they mean. james bond doesn’t care that you want to be like him, he’s not real.
solution: this should never be a situation. figure it out. we’re not here to hold your hand, we’re not here to take you on an tasting tour. stick with what you know - meaning, quit ordering martinis while throwing words like “dry” “wet” and “dirty” around not knowing what they mean. james bond doesn’t care that you want to be like him, he’s not real.
just a couple more notes before i head off to work — “please” and “thank you” go a long way. as does, “whenever you get a chance.” for me personally, anyone who gives a crap and takes into consideration how busy i am, gets their drinks faster. and even more than that — TIP YOUR GODDAMN SERVICE STAFF. for most of us, it’s all we make, meaning there’s no paycheck for us on friday. and not only that, if we get stiffed, it’s money out of our own pockets to pay our service staff… (ie. food runners, bussers… barbacks…)
frankly, to me, all of this is basic human courtesy. but for whatever reason, there’s a huge group of people out there who feel as though they are far superior to everyone else… and treat people as such. no one is rolling out the red carpet for your ass when you walk through the door so maybe today, you could try being nice - it’s amazing what a lack of negative energy brings, to those around you.
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