great expectations.

the days have gotten colder and the nights even more so. summer is officially gone and that became evident the other night sitting on the rickity steps of the empty absinthe trailer down at the north lot of pier 17. once the locale of the great travelling spiegeltent & beer garden, all that remained was scattered trash & priceless knickknacks left behind. this last month changed my life in a way some will attempt to empathize with, but most will never understand.

somewhere along the thin line of finding a new confidant and avoidance of falling into the bear trap, i lost my balance and plummeted into the world of least desire -- none of which i realized until the days following your departure. life works out in funny ways. you continue to apologize and thank me for things you took away from it, never giving me the chance to explain its significance to me.

but i've found that explanations are nothing more than thorns in our sides and unhealthy fuel for the already wickedly spreading fire. what i think you think of me, or vice versa matters not -- to each his own and gracefully walk down our separate paths as originally intended and pretty soon, lives should resume as normal. or so we continue to hope.

you've made it more clear to me now, than ever -- that life isn't and can never be black and white. that every pang of desire is followed by a consequence, a circumstance, a best interest. in retrospect, i think i could've gone my entire life never knowing you, but cowardice was never my forte.

"things have been, different for me. for a long time, i kept..."
"what?"

"i think about you a lot lately."
"i'm glad."
"can you ever forgive me?"
"don't you know me at all?"