day 4 - religion.

(full list) - 04 - what are your views on religion?

whenever religion comes up i immediately think about the inside the actor’s studio episode with natalie portman, where james lipton is doing his truncated version of the proust questionnaire and asks her, “if heaven exists, what you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?” and she says something along the lines of, “i don’t like to believe that there’s a heaven or hell. because that would mean that everyone who does good deeds here, on earth, now… is all doing it for selfish reasons, to get into heaven.” i’m not a huge natalie portman fan or anything (altho, the professional? come on.) but that has always stuck with me.

i spent most of my childhood in church. for as long as i can remember, with the exception of my mom, i come from a family of captial-g-o-d fearing folks. although, for the most part, i guess if you *had* to put a title on it, they (my family, not their congregation as a whole) are pretty “liberal christians” – if there even is such a thing. let’s start from the beginning…

i grew up in i guess what you would call the methodist denomination of the christian church, what the differences are between all the denominations – is beyond me, nor do i care. my entire childhood, i went to church for two reasons, and two reasons only: to hang out with my friends, and because my parents made me.

after my parent’s divorce, i chose to stop attending services for personal reasons. mainly because it became evident to me, that i was practicing a faith that supposedly taught compassion and understanding and love for one another as basic human beings, regardless of affiliation — with a bunch of hypocrites. that has, and always will be – my number one “problem” with reformed religion. please note: i am not saying that all christians are hypocrites, my family sure as hell aren’t, what little they “preach” they themselves practice – they are extremely open about everything, unbelievably understanding and accept everyone and anyone… and most importantly, they never try to push their faith, on anyone who’s not interested – they quietly pray for the ones they love… ultimately, wishing for a peaceful reunion in our afterlives.

during high school, i went back and forth to church — still, for the wrong reasons. and then the summer between high school and college — i started to develop an honest relationship with god and earnestly spent my days trying my best to life “the christian way.” turned out, about half a semester into college — temptation wasn’t the easiest thing for me and a sinful life seemed more fun, not to mention more practical… so, i ditched christianity for good. that was about a decade ago.

i went to church one time since then, as a favor to some friends, on christmas — and felt uncomfortable as all hell — you know that phrase, “you’re sweatin’ like a whore in church?” i felt like that whore. since then, i’ve kind of been moseying around trying to find out what suits me best… not a specific religion to practice, per se — but some sort of relationship with a definitive higher being that i could refer to as something other than, “the universe.”

the universe is my god. the universe is where my faith lies. the belief that everything happens for a reason… and that karma exists. it really does. every action has a reaction (which isn’t even religion, it’s science) — and the fact of the matter is, all you people focusing your daily lives devoted to your beliefs that you think are so right, so much so that you think others are just plain “wrong” — if you did a little research, you’d probably find that you share a lot of common ground. i’m not saying there shouldn’t be reformed religion, i just think it wouldn’t kill you to see what else is out there before deciding who to hold responsible for your life’s fate.