unofficial will.

(screenshot via google images.)

touchy subject, but it's been on my mind lately, and i feel as though i need to get it writing. as the years pass, it becomes more and more evident there's no such thing as forever. that death is inevitable and looming, and it happens at all kinds of times. young, old, healthy, ill... you can have multiple doctors put a life-expectancy rate on your terminal illness and even then, only the gods know.

i can firmly state that i am not scared of death but i am pretty terrified of dying. like most normal human beings, i want it to be quiet, painless and preferably in my sleep. and then there are days when i wake up and think, "hey - today, i can get hit by a bus crossing the street." or even more, "hrm, a bomb might go off on my train ride to work today." all of that, i am ok with. more in the sense that i've grown accustomed to enjoying my day to day life that if it were to end tomorrow, there is nothing i regret... no unfinished business. i just don't want to get  hit by a bus, NOT die, and instead wake up in a hospital three months later in a full body cast wondering what the hell just happened.

the point of all this, is an unofficial will via blogger - for all two of my readers who i trust would spread the word to the people necessary (whom i've all also had this conversation with in person) -- in the event of what to do if i were to unexpectedly... well, die.

i want to be cremated. no ifs ands or buts. funeral costs are just way too much to be burying a dead body into the ground in a fancy box that will never be seen or used again. i want my ashes spread amongst the closest people in my life. this includes friends and family. when the time comes, the ones who've known me the best, will know what to do. with those separated ashes, i would like them sealed into some sort of easy traveling container (think zip-lock bag) and spread wherever the bearer thinks i would enjoy them to be spread. for example, when we were in costa rica - we spread some of our friend (and brother)'s ashes over the jungle during our last (and longest) stretch on the zip-line.

in the event that it's a medical condition and i'm stuck in a hospital and about to go under for a potentially fatal surgery, i have every intention of signing a DNR... life support isn't worth it... and do you know how much it costs to stay in a dang hospital bed overnight let alone with machines hooked up to you helping your heart pump? no thank you.

and lastly, i am an organ donor. it says so on my drivers license, but just in case there are any debates. i guess the only things i could really donate are my eyes - since they're the only things that work spectacularly and that i haven't damaged throughout the years with bad choices (ie., liver & lungs.) my kidneys are probably still good, but we can let the doctors figure that out. now, this is only in regards to saving someone else's life... not science. although, sure - if it means they're conducting tests on lost cures for diseases, donate away. if i still have super-long hair, chop it off and please donate to locks of love. 

ok, i think that's it.

oh wait, material possessions. i have none of any monetary worth, except for any camera equipment. any and all of that goes to my brother. body, lenses, lights, tripod... all of it.

just for good measure, i am not in a sad or depressed mood. i am not on my period or about to be, in fact, i had a very enjoyable week (despite working every night) and am happy to be home, with my loves... it's just something i think about on a semi-daily basis, and always say i'm going to put in writing, but never do because it's just so silly. but here it is. bam. done.

signed,

jennie j. song.